did you get engaged???
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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