I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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