no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
