I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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