I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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