A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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