I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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