Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
