All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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