if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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