i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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