my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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