Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
