did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
