its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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