I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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