Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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