It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
