She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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