After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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