I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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