Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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