ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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