scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
