whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
