Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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