I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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