Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
