I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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