Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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