apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Send help, water and tortillas.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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