Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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