my mouth tastes like poor choices
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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