based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
