I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
