sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
