you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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