She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
