you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
