I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
