Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
porn star boner night. come get it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
