Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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