My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
