Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
