I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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