so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
