As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We got so high we made milksteak
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
