Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
