i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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