Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
