I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
