I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick very happy bro
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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