Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
