I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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