Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Come share oat with me in your robe
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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