Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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