we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
