i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
