I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
