Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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