trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
