Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
me + whiskey = a bad person
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
