girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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