we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
