I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
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I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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