Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
