i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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