Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
