she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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