dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
