I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
