I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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