Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize