I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
