You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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